Rough night last night. Was just feeling blah, in every possible way. I got off work late, didn't have time to get ready for 2nd job. Got to work, was told that the auditor was coming, and everyone was freaking out. and it was busy, and we were there till after 10pm. then rushed home, picked up tim, took him to the bus station, came home, surveyed his room. he left tons of shit at my house, and didn't clean up after living in the room or after the rats. i was exhausted, hungry, and didn't feel like cooking. so i ate some leftovers, which was mac and cheese, a hushpuppy and some fish. immediately the guilt set in. i felt so bad, and ashamed and gross. i wanted to cry. i felt like i failed at atkins. it was my first 'binge' in 4 days. that's close to a record, lately.

anyway. i was up 1/2 lb today. i'm back on track though. and feeling better. downing water, munching on veggies and going to make some yummy chicken tonight for dinner.

i can do this.
i can do this.

i need to get my body in working order. and this is hard, because i woke up this morning and though "fuck it, i'll just start starving again. this is too hard. it's not working. i'm not loosing weight. i can't do it. i'm going to get fat again'. but i need to give this a shot. i need to give my body time to adjust to a new fuel system - burning fat instead of carbs. It takes time. I've abused my body for so, so long. it's gotta readjust. Don't give up yet, Amy.