It's really hard to get used to being this heavy...even though i know, in some way, that it's all muscles i've built from skating. I still am struggling with the 'i hate this excess mass of body i've suddenly attained".

i just feel too big. i guess maybe it's pms-nonsense. but still. not really happy.
i'd like to lose about 15 pounds. but i don't even know how to lose weight without starving myself. So I'm just sort of in this state of refusing to do anything.

i hate being like this. especially when everything else in my life is really happy and peaceful these days. it's just this one part of me, that's refusing to let go of my self.