My skin is crawling tonight. it has been all day. I need to just give up and go to sleep.

Some days are easier than others.

Pros:
i don't feel like i'm dying anymore
it's getting easier to walk up steps

Cons:
spending more money on food, because you are actually eating it
clothes fitting you, the way they're supposed to
boobs are huge.
the butts of my jeans don't sag for the first time in years
feeling like every one at work is trying to figure out how you've gained so much weight
skinny girls
the bloated feeling you get after every fucking time you eat. it doesn't matter if i eat a plate of pasta, or a handful of grapes, my stomach feels so big and full


i want so badly to be okay in my body. i want to feel cute or pretty. i don't want to feel so heavy.



sigh. almost three months.

[i still want to be thin. i miss my bones showing, and being 'little amy' and being tiny, and fragile. i miss the control. i miss being IN control. i miss feeling light.]

I feel like I am eating, but I am not getting better.