4 days, 6 lbs. 

sometimes i forget how easy this is. 

i posted a facebook status of 'sometimes i just get really determined'. everyone liked it. i'm such a fucking liar. fake.  they wouldn't like it if they realized i've determined to be 15% under. 

i wanted to call sonja. i want her to tell me what to do. i want her to help me. yet im beyond terrified to see her in person. because anyone can take one look at me and see that i'm still fat. so how can you have an eating disorder if you're still fat? that's not how it works. no one will say anything until i'm too thin. 

i feel like i have lost my mind. i had the all too familiar 'shaking-like-your-bloodsugar-is-low-but-knowing-its-because-you-haven't-eaten' feeling last night. it sent me soaring. 

when your stomach is growling, that when you're doing it right.

what the fuck is wrong with me?