mushymushy and i don't care cause it's my blog...

...and I'm happy. So, deal with.

Sometimes my emotions start to wander. And my brain convinces my heart that it was all just a lie. It convinces me that I am (still) incapable of being loved. That he will eventually break up with me and my delicate heart will be shattered into a million tiny shards. I will lose control and revert to my ways of past coping mechanisms, and I will know that somehow it was and is always my fault. But I keep my lips sealed and hope that by saying nothing I will somehow prevent, or at least delay the utterly inevitable heart breaking.

Before I can even finish the argument with myself, my phone will buzz and it is this strange human who has taken a liking to me, is on the other end asking if he can come over. Then he shows up and comes into my tiny apartment with something tasty to drink. (blue moon and oranges!) While I'm standing at the stove making him a quesadilla, he moves close behind me and hugs me. He'll wrap his arms around my entire self, and place his fingers against my soft hips, kissing my hair.

Suddenly the argument that I was having inside my head is totally void - in fact, I don't even remember what the point was, anyway.

I'll let go of the skillet, and turn to face him. His eyes always smile at me. Brushing the hair from my eyes, and hoping that I'm not blushing too badly, I know one thing for sure. I am loved. Right here, and right now. This guy thinks I'm the prettiest thing he's ever seen. He is unconcerned with what size jeans I'm wearing, or how my makeup looks. He loves me.

We are the only thing in the world that matters, for right now. When he is hugging me and I can hear his heart beating against my head, I know that everything is always right where it should be.

Seconds later, he whispers that the quesadilla is burning. I giggle and attempt to salvage his dinner. I realize how lucky I am, too. And remember that some things are worth waiting for. The best things are. Always.