i made it through the year though. or at least 360 days, and i don't imagine that anything life threatening will happen in the next 5 days, so i'd say there's a decent chance i'll make it to 2011. In January I didn't think I'd make it. And in April I thought I was going to die, for real. And in May everything stopped, and in June I thought my life was over. And in August, I thought I was stuck at my parents house for the rest of my life, and in September I got the last bit of courage I needed to make the trek back to Nashville, back home, back to a place I can be myself and make my own decisions. And in November, I briefly considered that maybe I shouldn't go back, because I had 400 miles either way I looked. But I made it. And now my car is dead, and I have to take a bus, just to buy stamps, or groceries, or wash my socks. And I had to beg rides off of coworkers to get home at night, and I have no furniture in my apartment and only one lamp that sort of migrates with me whenever i decide to leave my bedroom (which doesn't really happen often...) But I'm okay! In a week, my cats and my sister will be in Nashville with me. And I have a really good job, that while it's not fulfilling, it's good and it's enough and it gives me some funny stories, and the people are pretty cool.
And I got on a greyhound, and I rode for 11 hours, underneath my snuggie with my hands clenched into fists and prayed that I could just make it to Bloomington, and I did. I did it! I fought through the fear of people and unknown and lack of control, long enough to get somewhere, where there were people waiting for me on the other side. And I had for the first time, in years, maybe ever, and really enjoyable 'holiday'...day. or season. or whatever it was.
I watched two seperate groups of families, interact in a kind and humane and understanding way... they created an environment where everyone was accepted, and welcomed. And there were no expectations, whatsoever.
It was bizarre, and meaningful and unexpected, and good.
It's really only two of you, who keep up with this regularly. And I'm on your computer typing this and i'm not really good at talking but I hope you know, or understand or something, how very, very thankful I am for both of you. For everything. Really. For opening your home to me, for sharing your family, and your hearts and your words. Friendships always form in the most unexpected ways, and it means so much to me, that you've always, always believed. and that you continue to care. i don't know even what I'm trying to say.
(iloveyouguys.)
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