i'm losing my mind. i'm sure of it.

something is wrong with me. i finish a bottle of wine and then start a pot (press) of coffee to keep myself awake because if i fall asleep i'll have a nightmare again.

i can't write in coherent thoughts or sentences or even tiny strings of words. nothing makes sense and it all sounds dumb.

i need to consume less. theres too much of me. my bed creaks when i roll over. i used to be able to sit on it without a single sound. my pants are too tight and my bras are filled up. i have an ass and i despise it. stupid body. you are pointless.

everything feels wrong. everything is too big and too fast and i can't keep up no matter how fast i run, how many hours i wait, how long i avoid sleeping.

stopstopstop.

it's dark. really dark.