it took some time, but 2 weeks ago, when the sun finally came out again, it occurred to me that maybe the reason that i crumble and go limp every single month could be due to PMS. Maybe it's not my mind breaking in half, maybe it's not Edieghost choking me. Maybe it's not because i hate myself again and i feel to fat. Maybe it's just my hormones are fucking nuts.

For 3.5 years I had about 4 'cycles' a month. For the past 1.5 years, I didn't have one at all. It'd disappeared. I took this as a sign of success, rather than sickness. Within days of moving back to Nashville in November, it suddenly reappeared. And every 28 days since, I've lost control of myself.

It's as if my hormones are trying to make up for lost time. Make up for all the months they missed by being absolutely horrific, just for the hell of it.

Basically, I just have to keep reminding myself that it will end. It will be okay. That I'm okay. That I'm still alive, and I'm not falling apart at the seams. That the world isn't' ending, and all hope is not lost.

I was going to write more, but now it's time for lunch.