i feel heavy. not really physically (for once.) just mentally and emotionally. my heart is heavy. my mind is cloudy. i've been talking alot. sharing alot. friday i will share alot. im scared, i think. but i feel a small sense of safe.

i feel dumb for not being able to talk. and having to write out what i want to say and read it to her. i think it will be hard to read. i feel like i'm only telling stories. things that happened. incidents that makes me think differently.

i don't know that it will help any, reading it to her. but maybe i'll feel less heavy if i get it out. i hope i don't cry.