Alice

"I'm so tired." she said.

"You're always tired" she replied.

"No, I mean, like really tired. Not sleepy tired, or exhausted tired. I am the 'tired of everything' sort of tired.

tired of working.

tired of waking up every morning.

tired of going to pointless jobs.

tired of trying to make ends meet.

tired of trying and failing.

tired of trying to not eat.

tired of trying to eat.

tired of trying to be something i'm not.

tired of being me.

"Oh." she whispered. "That sort of tired..."

I still don't think she gets it. I don't know how else to explain it to her. "I'm tired of life" makes me sound suicidal, which I am not. I am not actively trying to end my life. I just don't heed the warning of the effects my behaviors may have on my life. Yeah. That's it. No heeding, here. I wish I could die for a little while and come back when my life was a little bit easier. Or when I was a little bit braver. Maybe just a little bit stronger.

I feel like Alice, In Adventures in Wonderland.

down,

down,

down,

down the rabbit hole you go.

Eat a little cake!

oops!

You're tiny now!

Don't cry, those tears are only make believe. They aren't real, silly girl.

don't be so sad!

cheer up

bite your lip

breath in deep

squeeze your eyes shut tight

ball up your fists

and stomp your little feet

no crying today, you've too much to do.

Besides, you can't let them see you broken. Can't let them see you hurt. you be be strong. You have to be brave.

They will be very disappointed if they knew the truth. you mustn't let them know, Alice. Make them believe it's just a story. The mad hatter, and the queen of hearts, the cheshire cat, and the rabbit who's always running late. These are only characters in the book. To make it seem less lonely. To make you believe you are not trapped here.

hush now girl, quiet or they'll hear you.

Jump into the mirror, Alice! Jump in, it's easy. You'll see yourself as you really are. No fun house mirrors here. Just you. Jump in, let it show you the truth.

eat another cake!

make sure to chose the right one, one of them is different. It's always a surprise here, you never know what you'll get. Not until you try it. Go on, Alice, eat a little cake, and jump into the mirror.

"Alice! Alice!" she screamed.

"Wake up!"

"but i'm just so tired" she whispered.